New Year's Resolutions: Short Term Goal Setting

I have never been very fond of New Year's resolutions because I already had my own goals in progress.  I didn't feel I needed that extra push to get me where I wanted to be.  Now that I have achieved the two stretch goals I set for myself in my twenties, I spent my 30th year enjoying the fruits of my labor.

I find myself thinking more and more about what my next big goal should be.  When I sit daydreaming and pondering this in all my free time (read: the 5 minutes between when I finally put all electronic devices out of reach and my head hits my pillow) I come up empty.  I'm coasting and it feels nice but since when am I happy with just "nice"?

I am dedicating 2012 to self-discovery.  I am going to find something, somehow, that drives passion within me and ignites a new level of dimension within my spirit.  Fancy.  Let me start with a brain exercise.  Free word association, what makes me tick? What do I wish made me tick?

Love, friendship, money, stuff, no stuff, philanthropy, patience, integrity, compassion, zen, grace, Grace, faith, good-sense, generosity, introspection, strength, focus, creativity, cooking, eating better/less, health, prosperity, quality, family, simplify, meditation

And stop.

Now that I've spent the last 60 seconds spewing words onto this page there are a few areas that pique my interest.  Family is my foundation.  I feel like it is always there and I rarely take it for granted.  I am pulled more toward an essence of who I am and who I am evolving to be.  Grace, generosity and introspection.  I hope you see some of this in me already.  I know I can do better.  I am light-hearted mostly but I have a depth that some people get to see.  I am very sensitive when others judge my emotional side.  I get better and better at screening the depth of my emotion the older I get.  I don't know if I like it.  It is protective and controlling.  Some may call it maturity.  I am hoping that by blogging and writing more I am stretching the softly callous and insensitivity I have worked into some areas of my life.  It is my hope to be more mindful and aware.  I am proud to be a strongly empathetic person who is genuine and honest.  I am true to my values but I lack patience in some instances.

I could pontificate all day about what drives me and what annoys me.  That would get really boring.  I like action.  I want things to move forward.  For 2012 I am setting one short term goal per month for the entire year, experiments if you will.

My points for pontification for 2012 are as follows:

January - Financial Health I: An experiment in savings
This is really about living below my means.  How much can I really save in one month?  How much potential is there for me to be more fiscally responsible than our current government.  Ok wait, setting my goals higher than that should not be difficult!

February - Love and Relationships (cliche for February, I know)
Independent to a fault and living a wonderful fulfilled life.  I need to think more about what this means to me.

March - Healthy Eating
Experiment with ways to make every day healthy eating less annoying.

April - Financial Health II (an experiment in investments)
Bonus check cashed, what to do with it?!  Invest? Shopping spree? Travel?

May - Healthy Living
Focus on not making excuses for incorporating exercise in my life.

June - Philanthropy
Donating my time to charitable causes was always so important to me.  With a busy life, this has fallen to the wayside.  Now is the time to show Ava what giving is all about and remind myself of the importance of sharing time and resources with those who need it most.

July - Religion and Faith
Hmm, this will be interesting.  I'll have to think on this one.

August - Reflection and Meditation
Maybe I should move this one before Religion and Faith. LOL

September - Growing patience
Patience and understanding.  Taking a deep breath and counting to 10.  Remembering lessons learned in August.

October - Career Goals
This is completely open-ended.

November - Discover my inner Julia Childs
I think I can, I think I can.  Cook Cook Cook!

December - Traditions, old and new
Being the head of my family means thinking about the importance of traditions.  Which traditions are important to me from my upbringing and what new traditions do I want to build and grow with my own little family?

More to come soon!  I have to go, I only have a couple more days to shop! ;)

Some People Deserve To Be Publicly Shamed.

This is a perfect example of why I am completely happy to be single and fabulous.

Random thoughts about the inefficiencies of humankind

Does hand writing something on a scrap of paper and holding it in a photo you then post onto social media have more of an impact than just typing the damn message on said social media outlet? It seems ridiculously inefficient to me. I began seeing these photos littering the Internet as the Occupy movement began. Maybe it existed before but I hadn't noticed. Ending a rambling rant with a percentage number also rubs me the wrong way. Maybe it's the analyst in me. Are these photos a way to make Facebook more "real" or do they exist as a way to identify people who have too much spare time to waste on insignificant meanderings?

Why, oh why, do you ask me to do something you then proceed to complete yourself without withdrawing your request? If you want to race to see who can finish first just say so and we can have some fun with it. If you're just inefficient than please tell me why you insist on taking me down with you? Also, please tell me if this is a "skill" I must learn to earn a paycheck as big as yours.

On the same track, why do you give me false deadlines for projects? Do you realize how this affects the list of other "urgent" priorities you have given to me? I am guessing you are not aware that you are doing this. Self awareness is important. There are many books that are helpful guides. I also recommend meditation.

In the time it takes you to call me/email me/text me the directions for a simple request you could have done it yourself. Just sayin'.

Doing something nice for someone takes the same amount of time it takes to do something out of spite and the power of positivity lingers with you. i.e. putting $20 in the red kettle versus keying the dumb bitch's car who took your parking spot. Karma, juju, vibes... Be good. Santa is watching. Do it for yourself if for no one else.

I'd love to hear your experiences with inefficiencies with humankind. Let it all out. It feels good.

My Heart

My daughter is gifted.  She has the ability to calm me when life makes me rage.  She brings happiness and comfort to those in her life.  People are drawn to her spirit and energy.  These are amazing accomplishments for a three year old.  Her attributes are above and beyond the feelings of love brought by the innocence of a child.  There is a light found within her soul that is truly magical.  She is one of few people in this world who have the ability to bring out the best in others, to make them feel they are special and loved when the rest of the world is trying to prove their faults.

Ava’s feet are firmly planted to the ground and her heart has bloomed huge, illustrious and majestic wings lifting her beautifully, gracefully to her full potential each day.  She wants those around her to see the world as she does.  She wants us all to have the empathy and compassion she feels.  She believes we all have it within ourselves to achieve our full potential.

Ava is a kind, deliberate leader.  There is strength in her eyes and in her heart.  She is destined for greatness.  I am filled with immense pride as I witness to what has just begun to unfold.  She is my partner in personal growth.  She is my reminder that good will ALWAYS trump bad.  She is my light.  She is my heart.

Mild and Insignificant Annoyances

"You can complain because roses have thorns, or you can rejoice because thorns have roses."

Either way, you can.  Choose.  I am the embodiment of both pessimism and optimism in all their glory.  I praise the good Lord constantly for the blessings in my life.  I relish in the guiltless freedom to complain about meaningless annoyances throughout my day.  Let's review two of these from today.

Annoyance #1: People who follow lame rules only because they are rules.  Yes, I fault you for complying to some of society's simple rules (a few may be known as "laws" by some... details!).  An example of this is something I experience every day on my commute home.  Those annoying on-ramp stoplights should be turned off to save energy and money for the city.  Instead, it serves the purpose to make me wait in a line to wait in rush hour traffic.  I especially love the car who will wait patiently for the light to change all by themselves.  Dear Useless Light, I fart in your general direction as I drive through your redness.
(Here is a great reference in case you're fascinated by this topic and need more in depth analysis: http://nexus.umn.edu/papers/waitingtolerance.pdf)

Annoyance #2: People who forget to wear deodorant.  I may be more annoyed with my lack of courage to tell the daily offender about his distracting odor.  Seriously though, how do you not smell yourself Stinky Man?!  (http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/11/18/memo-to-all-employees/)

Embrace these little annoyances.  Allow yourself to get pissed off at pointless stupid things occassionally.  Perpetual optimism can get boring.

Neither Hair Nor Thair

I have recently taken some baby steps into the world of beauty augmentation.  As a woman with European heritage I have been graced with facial hair suitable for a teenage boy's baby face.  Jealous?  Understandable!  Thankfully, Groupon has answered my prayers and I bought a laser hair removal package for my goatee.  I am two treatments in to the process and the results are slowly but surely coming along.

Baby Step 1:
Let me explain the experience of killing hair follicles.  I walk into the calm and beautiful waiting area to hear looped infomercials about other beauty enhancing treatments.  I drink some ice water and eat some minty candies while I await my treatment.  It is very serene and spa-like with dim lighting and warm, comfortable air.  I am taken back into a room with a table very similar to the one I have laid on many times while my hairs are ripped from my face.  The "doctor" (I really have no clue if she is even a real doctor or not and I guess I don't care as long as she kills my follicules) points out the offending hairs she can see and asks how I like shaving my face since I am no longer alllowed to pluck or wax.  I no longer feel serene.  Bitch.  She slathers my goatee in ultrasound gel and asks if I am ready to begin.  She places the laser on my face and pulls the trigger.  Have you ever tried putting your tongue on a battery?  That feeling is what my face feels like times ten.  Over and over for 5 minutes.  Every once in a while I have the pleasure of smelling a burned hair signifying the last breath of a dying follicle.  Die you hairy bastard, DIE!  In less than ten minutes after my arrival I am back in my car and on with my day.  No redness.  No soreness other than knowing I will still be shaving my face for the next 8 months.  Disgusting.  C'est la vie.

Baby Step 2:
So it appears that the looped infomercials I watched while waiting worked.  I purchased a month supply of Latisse.  That's right, I have just purchased something that is supposed to make hair grow on my face while at an appointment to remove hair from my face.  Ironic.  But how awesome will it be to have Snuffalupagus eyelashes and a naked chin?!  Every night I swipe some liquid over my lash line and look to see if any new eyelashes are appearing yet.  I hope I don't drip any on my chin.  Sheesh.

Baby Step 3:
Should I get hair extensions?  Thick, dark brown, luxurious locks?  Sounds wonderful but why does removing a few small hairs on my face all of a sudden trigger something in my brain that makes me want to add hair to all other areas of my head?  How ridiculously expensive and time consuming is this idea?  I will do my best to stave off my desire to call the Hair Police.  Save me from myself.

Stay tuned for a report on my hair removal/enhancement process.  The results are sure to be HAIR-RAISING! Ha!

My Heart and My Money

I am going to make a futile attempt at convincing myself to be thankful for all that I have.  First, the set up:

Depositing $2,000.00 into your checking account and seeing your balance at $102.10 is disheartening.  It feels a little like doing a cannonball into a freezing cold lake.  It’s like being bitch slapped by Suzi Orman. You are DENIED!  It feels like what I imagine the Fed feels like every day they walk into work.  It is, most certainly, less than ideal.

But hey, its money and I can make more.  I have my health, my family, and my friends.  I have a job and a home.  I look around and have so many things to be thankful for… Right, I get it.  I know these things are true and I live such a blessed life.  How dare I complain and whine when there are people dying and starving and naked, drinking in rivers where animals piss and shit… Blah, blah, blah.  Queue the First World elitist sob story.

Maybe a therapist would help me feel more empowered about bearing the weight of being a successful career woman raising an adorable and amazing daughter on my own, running a household and managing anything anyone can throw at her.  But I can’t leave a therapist’s office with bags of fabulous new clothes and shoes and makeup.  I am all about immediate gratification and ROI so I take a Zoloft and head to the mall.

I could write a country song about it: I’m just a mama doin’ it alooooooone ::twang twang:: I got me a sick doggy with some sick vet bills  ::twang twang:: Poor lil ol’ me headin’ west to wine country, workin’ hard to make it in a man’s world.  ::Twang twang twang:: … Or not.

It is true that the definition of success is personal and evolving and not necessarily always reasonable.  My current success is measured on a careful work-life balance, a tipsy teeter totter with my heart on one side and a dollar sign on the other.  It is driven, to a fault, by monetary gains and material acquisitions.  It is weighted on career accolades and promotion.  This side of the teeter totter is boring and too important.  Of course the other side of success is filled with happiness and smiles and fun… And temper tantrums and gossipy venting and a struggle to maintain a reasonable social life while trying not to get too fat in the process. Ah, sweet success.

I will continue to wear my heart on my sleeve.  I will not veil my misgivings or mistakes and I will celebrate my success and embrace my true self.  I will give myself credit where credit is due.  I will do the right thing.  I will be there for the people most important in my life.  I will be successful.

The Theme of Threes

3.1
Cliched and overly repeated statement of my current existence: "I don't know why they are called terrible twos when three is so much worse."

Never have truer words been spoken.  I want to repeat the Serenity Prayer while drinking a bottle of wine multiple times a day.  All of this from the sweet angelic face of my most favorite person in the whole world...  I am living in a bipolar world of happy giggle-fits and demonic tantrums and sometimes Ava joins in on these escapades with her mommy dearest.  Our life couldn't be written any better and a midst the boring chaos of time outs and play dates I always smile.  Sometimes more on the inside and after a few hours of reflection.

The theme of threes is driven right now by the "Terrible Threes".  Ava's sassy, independent, clingy and stubborn "stage".  It is the easiest way for me to identify any feeling of frustration I may have but it is the easiest to handle... There is another elephant looming in the room.


3.2
I am at the third company working in the fourth job of my adult life.  I have made a good career for myself and have progressed up "the ladder" with each job.  I have a diversified resume and am marketable in my line of work.  I am paid well and enjoy what I do 3 out of 5 days a week on average.  The next step of my career is a huge question mark lingering over my head.  My picture was projected onto a wall in a meeting with all of the people who hold my career in their hands and their peers.  Picture by picture they talk through who is deemed "promote-able" or not.  What this means to me is that I am afforded this huge question mark over my head rather than feeling like Humpty Dumpty on a wall.  How much responsibility do I want? How far is my climb before the careful balance I maintain shifts to a work-heavy travel-rich imbalance?  I am 31.  Am I at the beginning of the height of my career or straddling a plateau?  The uncertainty is less than motivating.


3.3
In the words of Aaliyah, "Age ain't nothin' but a number."  I have never given any thought to getting older or hitting "milestone" birthdays.  Turning 30 was easy.  Every birthday is just another reason to celebrate how truly awesome life is... How blessed I am to have a great job in a fun industry, a home to call my own, my little family of three, and great close friends and family.  Over the last couple of months things seem to be shifting.  There is a restlessness to my spirit.  There is a need for something bigger.  If only I could put my finger on it.  Like a sliver under my skin friends help search for an answer...

"Maybe its time to settle into a relationship?" Gag.  Instantly I feel claustrophobic.  Cohabitation sounds like so much work and so unsettling to my awesome set-up.
"What if you wake up one day and you find yourself feeling all alone without someone to share your life with?" Instantly my mind goes to sleeping in, waking up with a hot cup of coffee on my patio and doing yoga followed by a day of shopping and gardening.  Sounds wonderful.
"The more you tell yourself you like being alone the more your soul wants just the opposite." I was unaware that my soul and I were two separate entities with different wants and needs.  Thank you for the insight.

My mom is awesome.  She tells me that she thinks its great that I am happy being single and am a successful and beautiful woman that doesn't need a man to feel a sense of worth.  Sometimes, though, I wonder if she is using the same reverse psychology that I use on Ava to convince her to eat her dinner.  I still think she is awesome.


This blog has been brought to you today by the number 3 and the letter S.